Tell me mirror mirror on the wall
Who's the sickest Sex Pistol of them all?
Is it Johnny Rotten?
I don't know, I'd really like to ask him
But he drives me up the wall.
Now take old Sidney Viscious
He's a clown
He'd turn his mother in for less than half a crown.

But I wish I had a union
I wish I had a union

Take my mate ol' Cookie
He's off his head
Just give him his daily reader and a pint of what you dread.
Now here comes Stevie Jonesie
He's a slag, he loves to get his knob sucked
Wrapped in a Union Jack.

But I wish I had a union
I wish I had a union
I wish I had a union
I wish I had a union

Never trust the hippy, they killed Bambie
We gave a little filth and fury
For all you mugs to see.
There's nothing like the real thing
So they say,
Just like that creepy cockroach will never go away.

But I wish I had a union
I wish I had a union
I wish I had a union
I wish I had a union