V1 – Tonedeff – (TROJAN NUTFLAPS) Are you concerned about the risks of STDs when your balls slap the butt-crack? Introducing, the all new & improved Trojan Nutflap! The only protection against disease for your sack/ That intervenes with the splash of even the sleaziest snatch/ Now, breathe easy! In fact, you can rest assured that you’re safe/ The elastic band attaches fast so that it’ll hold it in place No exposure to AIDS, Herpes Simplex or Scrotal Warts/ TROJAN FLAPS! – For when your little lady’s a total whore.
V2 – PackFM – (NOREXAL) Now, if you got a dry scalp, I know you heard this before/ ‘Got snow on your shirt, homey, go brush your shoulders off’/ Don’t know what to do? QN5 brings to you (Norexall)/ A new medicated dandruff shampoo (Norexall)/ Experimental, not FDA approved/ But if properly used, some minor side-effects include/ Nausea, blisters, hair loss in some sections/ Liver-failure, a skin rash, and mild depression/ Insomnia and a slight addiction to crack/ But you’ll forget about your flakes or we’ll give your money back! Holla!
V3 – Mr. SOS – (SMASHINGALE) What’s poppin miss? Have you ever felt not so fresh, To the point where you wanna wash your breasts and brush your teeth but it’s not your breath? Cop this then!/ Smashingale! It removes haters, improves vapors/ And if you’re getting your freak on, you can get it in new flavors! Cherry Reds and Grapes! Your homey friends will stay/ Impressed for days, whether for the scent or the taste/ Representing your face, like a down ass chicks’ supposed to/ Also available in water & vinegar if you are old school.
V4 – Session – (SPICDONALD’S) (Hey Mama! I wanna go to Spicdonald’s!) Hey Latinos! We got something for ya! A Side of papas fritas and a McPollo! Drowning in oil! MmMM. What a deal! Cop a Goya Malta and make it a meal! (Yo Quiero Taco Bell!) No Cabron! Go to Spickey D’s, cop a side of chicharon’! Come down if you want some grubbin quick! (Jingle) I’m lovin it!
V5 – Deacon The Villain – (SWEET STICKY DREAM) Whether you’re married or it’s time to sin/ Go ‘head rub it in on your skin, in that special spot where privates blend/ Natural Male Enhancement Cream! Sweet Sticky Dream! Whether you’re with a smut or lady friend just trying to corner men/ But you can’t get it up to bust a nut on her chin/ Turn that performance from a Zero to a Ten! Sweet Sticky Dream! I know it’s not hard for you, you wanna do what grown folks do/ But you ain’t got the steam! You need Sweet Sticky Dream! You try and try to get it up, but you need more than big D-Cups/ Her mouthpiece just ain’t good enough, you need Sweet Sticky Dream!
V6 – Mr. Mecca – (JAFONEY & LIARS) Just call the law offices of Jafoney & Liars/ Forget them slip & falls or them accidental fires/ Here at J&L we’re all about getting you paid/ Suing the razor company if you get cut when you shave/ Help sue your one-nighter if you find her chest is hairy/ Or your babymoms for buying more milk than necessary/ Dial 1-900-IM-RICH-BITCH! Come on, It’s easy/ It ain’t like you got a job, you’re at home watching TV!
V7 – Kno – (DENNYS) Now people have accused Denny’s of being racist/ So now we’re giving our restaurants a hip-hop facelift/ Jukebox pumpin Mack 10/ Every manager’s required to have at least 1 black friend/ We’ll give you people your own separate bathrooms/ Plus our hash browns are chopped and screwed/ All of that with a smile and a handshake/ This week’s Special: Fried Chicken-Flavored Pancakes!
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