Kermit: It's the Muppet Show Cypher! With our very special guest, uh... half of nerdcore! Yay! (Ahem, I got a frog in my throat)
No Sesame, this frog ain't one for the kids Talk to Goggles and Croaker it's water under the bridge Coppers always act disturbed when Kermie comin' up big Every cuffin' season I got trouble with pigs I been, hip-hoppin' since my days in the swamp Wavin' arms the way that Mr. Dawson taught me to talk I keep glocks for my TV spots I got sausages and coffee pots and easy shots I'm able to gloat, a fable 'til the day that I croak Flow so cold, I'm happy I was made from a coat You can take Manhattan, take the whole damn scene! I got a pad in every lake, it's kinda easy makin' green
The Great Gonzo: Backup the forklift, unload the crate Give a round of applause for Gonzo the Great! I know more folk don't want smoke today But my flow's explosive, so, bombs away! All hail the Great Gonzo-rella Am I he, Am I she, Am I omnigender? Check none of the above, love, I'm whatever (chicken noises) Come on Camilla! Nobody is gonna be telling me what is and isn't canon When my salary decrease, I make my livin' in a cannon And in half a zoton, Gonzo's the boss hog Was lost, but don't wanna go home to Oznog
Rizzo the Rat: You can leave it to me to put the rat in the race I'm in it for the cheese like I'm trapped in the maze Got anything to eat? I'll be snacking all day Who took my jellybeans! Oh, I stashed them away Don't look to Rizzo for a rat that is brave But I know slapstick like a smack in the face Always comin' up with something sarcastic to say Any kind of fourth wall I will happily break Cause me and Gonzo know how to handle stories But don't look down I can't handle stories! Despite my massive fear of heights There's nothing come between me and my appetite
Scooter: Scootch over, This Muppet's here to show the ropes My uncle runs the theatre, but I stole the show While not quite the puppeteer, I am the gofer so, When it's time to bust some lyrics then I go for flow Got a load of roles that I'm supposed to manage Want some toast to go? You got it Want some cocoa bro? You'll have it Want a fabric that's rappin' so rapid as if it's fast fashion I'm jackin' this track up with the flashy green track jacket Ask how I rep that swell drip, I'm selfless I could fill a whole big clipboard with felt-tips Tech boss and I like computers But no desktop has a drive like Scooter's
Fozzie Bear: Let me get the crowd warmed up 'til they hem and they haw Think it's all dried up? I can get a guffaw Ain't nobody rope the dope, I flow control and I host the show 'Til they know for sure I got jokes yo Ay, what do they call a bear who pulls jokes on folks that get old? Unbearable. Hey the show goes on yeah, I'm just sayin' I won't stop 'til we're all famous Ya da da da, da da dah! Hah!
Statler: You know what? Waldorf: What? Statler: Whenever I hear Fozzie Bear, my first thought is always McGuire Waldorf: Yeah, Mc-Why-are-we-still-listening? Statler and Waldorf: (laughter)
Dr, Bunsen Honeydew: We're Muppet Labs and we came to say This is where the future's being made today Oh dear, you can hear that my rhymes are rather tragic That's precisely why we've built the Muppet Labs Rap-O-Matic One flip of a switch and I'll be spitting completely
Beaker: Meep meep meep mee mee mee mo meep meep mee mee mee mi mi mi
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: The risk of a glitch? Don't be ridiculous Beaky Hmm, bit of a hitch, seems it is overheating Beaky did you forget to check the lexical accelerator? As you can see, my assonant speed is fast as can be Beaky check the breaker, twiddle the knobs, rip out a cog Hit the lyrical clock with a brick or a rock My hippety-hop is the tippety-top But I think we should stop and be switching it off Oh! Oh! Beaky you broke it! Beaker: Meep! Dr. Honeydew: That'll be coming out of your paycheck Beaker: Meep mee mee mi mi mo, mohhh...
Dr. Teeth: Smoke kief with the show's chief, I'm the brainstem Most peeps don't got soul beats payin' their bills Tones deep through my nose breathe, in the mayhem Cold beast with the gold teeth call me Bear Grylls Organ got them pipes, and I got the piece ready Turned cathedrals to theatres and left the seats sweaty You ain't never gettin' bored when I slam the keys heavy Yeah, they call me doctor cause I keep the beat steady I ain't one for G major, skippin' over the beat break Improvise on my sheets and flippin' into a key change I'm countin' out my dough while they're jammin' on my Cheesecake Gold records sold as my legacy gets replayed!
Rowlf the Dog: That mad mutt Muppet, you must muffle and muzzle him Flow is so dirty, there's much more than muck muddled in Tatty and unkempt, so actually the main G Couldn't tame me with a chain leash or lame treats Take a big pause (Woof! Woof! Woof!) like a St. Bernard stomping The kennel's going off, even got Churchill noddin' When there's a frog in your throat it's like Kermit's coughin' I'm a Great Dane, you're mundane, it's done mate Underdog's winning this eight ways to Sunday Lookin' all puzzled like the throw was fake You better chuck us a bone or we can do this the rough way
Animal: Agh! Ah! Arghhhhhh! Arggr! Grrrbrbrrlk! Yeah, let me kick it back a couple decades and be frank for a sec I'm the baddest bitch to bring a beat and bang on a set Who's the maddest of the band? I think you'll hazard a guess Rappers jealous of the fattest chain that hangs 'round my neck Sanity ain't pals with me, it hangs by a thread No sticks? No problem. I'm just bangin' my head (Okay!) Yeah, ask around I'm the man they fear Skirt-chasing vermin, y'all should get the women outta here D.R.U.M. say the word, and I might appear Bang, ba-bang, ba-bang, bang, onomatopoeia Eclectic playin'! Electric mayhem! Ya need another banger? Aight bet, just say when
Waldorf: You know, Schwabadi calls himself the werebear? Statler: He does? Waldorf: Yeah, because listening to him wears you down! Statler: And I can't bear it! Statler and Waldorf: (laughter) Statler: Oh, it's the pig
Miss Piggy: Make way for moi, after I go I leave you in awe Yeah, I'm the pink diva with the main chutzpah High class, en masse, hold the hem and haw We're fine, divine, thank you, pardón? You upstage me?!?! Hiyah! Some say I'm way too much, but I say they're not enough When I make a scene I'm getting that green And I ain't just talkin' bucks! Au revoir mon cher, my time is up! Wait! That's all I get!!!!
Sam Eagle: Hmph! Look at all this nonsense around me The lack of decency and integrity is astounding My word! This cypher has gotten out of control These misfit degenerate freaks have got to go! We needed some American rappers on the stage We should have called Iggy Azalea, maybe Drake (Mhm) So proud, so majestic You should know that I am not the birdy to mess with Mr. Kermit, here's a suggestion, perhaps don't add buffoonery in the next bit! A bunch of weirdos and nerdies It's hard to soar with eagles when you work with turkeys
Pepe the King Prawn: Okay, now listen what I gotta say Watch me tippy-toe on stage as I do ballet The shellfish with the drip and the ice, Dwayne Swanson look-alike You won't believe that this prawn actually fried your rice (Okay?) I'm a prawn not a shrimp, I'm a player not a simp I got married, I've got kids The martial artist himself, Goro in disguise Master of tae-prawn-do, catch you by surprise Okay? Now prawn-to as I finish this up The angel in the heart, the Muppet that will make you laugh Dios Mio, where's my manners, I forgot to say I'm Pepe the King Prawn! Okay?
Lew Zealand: A fish is a normal fish if it lives and it swims in a pond or crick And it doesn't exist as a fried dish served with chips And it's also not, a boomerang fish! Flying! Fishy! Boomerang! I'm sardine to wreak haddock, but salmon's gotta do it (Ugh! That's terrible) Tilapia be the dude, throw a fish around the room But barramundi when I do, it's coming right back to you!
The Swedish Chef: Scoot and make way for some flavorsome Scandinavian Throw the pot and for the show, put on your aprons A handy Scandi, pantry vigilante, handy dandy Flambeed Ramsay in de vanny, sendy packin' with some Gaviscon I used to trust a blunderbuss when huntin' for the chickie But they sendy a beretta when Jim Hansen left the kitchy Disobedie gredies really need to quitty bitchy Felt is mighty high in fiber and my trigger finger's itching
Singing Food: He doesn't carrot all, he won't lettuce get away This caper won't re-lentil he gets his five a day And if this is the endive shallot I wanna say Swede, beet-ing up the celery's a little underpaid (I don't wanna daikon!)
Swedish Chef: Tell me who's gonna listen to a talking gourd? Checky lingy where de lingyberry sauce gets poured If you're in a picky fixin' up a smorgasbord Well the best recipuden have a Bork! Bork! Bork!
Statler: Say, that's the end of the cypher. Why didn't we get a verse?! Waldorf: A verse? I'm averse to making this thing any longer! Statler and Waldorf: (laughter) Statler: This was a terrible idea! Waldorf: Hm, that's it.Teksty umieszczone na naszej stronie są własnością wytwórni, wykonawców, osób mających do nich prawa.
