---

As I went down on a Monday night
As drunk as drunk could be,
I saw a horse outside the door,
Where my old horse should be.
And I called my wife and I said to her:
"Will you kindly tell to me,
Who owns that horse outside the door
Where my old horse should be?"

Ah, you're drunk.
You're drunk, you silly old fool.
Still you cannot see,
That's a lovely sow that my mother sent to me
Well, there’s many a days
I've travelled a hundred miles or more,
But a saddle on a sow, sure, I never saw before.

As I went home on Tuesday night
As drunk as drunk could be,
I saw a coat behind the door,
Where my old coat should be.
Well, I called my wife and I said to her:
"Will you kindly tell to me,
Who owns that coat behind the door
Where my old coat should be?"

Ah, you're drunk.
You're drunk, you silly old fool.
Still you cannot see,
That's a woolen blanket that my mother sent to me
Well, there’s many a days
I've travelled a hundred miles or more,
But buttons on a blanket, sure, I never saw before.

As I went home on Wednesday night
As drunk as drunk could be,
I saw a pipe upon the chair,
Where my old pipe should be.
Well, I called my wife and I said to her:
"Will you kindly tell to me,
Who owns that pipe up on the chair
Where my old pipe should be?"

Ah, you're drunk.
You're drunk, you silly old fool.
Still you cannot see,
That's a lovely tin whistle that my mother sent to me
Well, there’s many a days
I've travelled a hundred miles or more,
But tobacco in a tin whistle, sure, I never saw before.

And as I went home on Thursday night
As drunk as drunk could be,
I saw two boots beneath the bed,
Where my old boots should be.
Well, I called me wife and I said to her:
"Will you kindly tell to me,
Who owns them boots beneath the bed
Where my old boots should be?"

Ah, you're drunk.
You're drunk, you silly old fool.
Still you cannot see,
They're two lovely geranium pots that my mother sent to me
Well, there’s many a days
I've travelled a hundred miles or more,
But laces in geranium pots I never saw before.

As I went home on Friday night
As drunk as drunk could be,
I saw a head upon the bed,
Where my old head should be.
And I called me wife and I said to her:
"Will you kindly tell to me,
Who owns that head upon the bed
Where my old head should be?"

Ah, you're drunk.
You're drunk, you silly old fool.
Still you cannot see,
That's a baby boy that my mother sent to me
Well, there’s many a days
I've travelled a hundred miles or more,
But a baby boy with his whiskers on, sure, I never saw before.

As I went home on Saturday night
As drunk as drunk could be,
I saw two hands upon her breasts,
Where my old hands should be.
Well, I called me wife and I said to her:
"Will you kindly tell to me,
Who owns them hands upon your breasts
Where my old hands should be?"

Ah, you're drunk.
You're drunk, you silly old fool.
Still you cannot see,
That's a lovely night gown that my mother sent to me
Well, there’s many a days
I've travelled a hundred miles or more,
But fingers in a night gown, sure, I never saw before.

As I went home on a Sunday night
As drunk as drunk could be,
I saw a thing inside her thing,
Where my old thing should be.
Well, I called me wife and I said to her:
"Will you kindly tell to me,
Who owns that thing inside your thing
Where my old thing should be?"

Ah, you're drunk.
You're drunk, you silly old fool.
Still you cannot see,
That's a lovely tin whistle that my mother sent to me
Well, there’s many a days
I've travelled a hundred miles or more,
But hair on a tin whistle sure I never saw before.

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