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I pay attention to TV
Ashley Olsen is my enemy
I pay attention to TV
Taylor Hanson is my enemy
Get a few more beers in me
And I'd sleep with half the people in this room
I'd give them STDs
And infect their lives with creepy-crawlies

Down, down, down
Your thalidomide arms weren't designed to hug me
You were made to love me like you do-do-do-do-do
Down, down, down
Your thalidomide arms weren't designed to hug me
You were made to love me like you do-do-do-do-do
(Down down down!)

I pay attention to the radio (yeah?)
I lick buzzwords off talk-back radio!
I pay attention to the game show Q&A
And crosswords to expand my vocabulary!
Can I order you a vodka lime?
And do you have the time to fill my mouth with you?
I've been noticing the tiniest things
I'm the number one sucker for a girl who bites her lip

And I hear wedding chimes in crystal chapels
Cake, caviar, coat-tailed
I walk down the aisle with you
And we kiss like a couple for the congregation
And the pedophile priest at the altar says
"Adrian, do-do-do-do-do-do-
Do you take this girl to be your wife?"
"Hell yes, vice versa, likewise"
"Do you take this girl to be your wife?"
"Yeah, yeah, vice versa, likewise"
"Do you take this girl to be your wife?"
Her thalidomide arms are lifelike

I met a girl at a club, she was pouring out her love
I wanted to kiss her, I was too shy, she gave me the finger
And we played noughts and crosses
And scissors-paper-rock and I said

"Watch as I perform my own tracheotomy
And when you're working later if you wanna telemarket me
And yes I'd like a drink but if I drank it I'd be vomiting
And yes I'd like to kiss you but you gotta get on top of me
And show me that you wanna kiss me back and never run away
Until we both have headaches and your bedroom seems the safest place
I wanna make out on your sheepskin rug
Let my fingers do the talking
And I'll talk until my tongue is tied up
I'd talk until my tongue is tied up
I'd talk until my tongue is tied up
I'd talk until my tongue is tied up (up-up-up)"
And I said

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