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S / Skye Matteson / Deserve It


He's white fence, family dinner
Fireplace for Ohio winter
Strolling down the street, wave to the neighbour
I'm kitchen table bills, coffee spills
Run down van always hitting the hills
Everyone here works two jobs and tends to themselves, so

When will he look at me and hate the way I walk,
And I talk to myself
When will he look in my eyes and see every way I've died
A thousand times,
And killed myself inside
He'll notice I don't eat
And still wear long sleeves in the summer
Will he still wanna be my lover?
I've spend every hour praying for one just like this
And he's perfect
And I don't deserve it
I don't deserve it
I don't deserve it

He showed me off to his friends,
Never had a love like that
But what if he's holding my hand and he drops it?
And he screams and he hates me
And I take it blatantly
It's not fair, I shouldn't expect it
But I just can't help it

So
When will he look at me, and hate the way I look back?
And I lack security
When will he look in my eyes and realize I just don't belong
I know it's not just imposter syndrome
He'll notice I shake, and I break, and I hate
And I sabotage myself, I can't ever catch a break
I've spend every day praying for one like this
And he's perfect
And I don't deserve it

Oh, to be perfect for you
I wanna be perfect for you
Oh, to be perfect for you
I wish I was perfect for you

He looks at me like I'm the only thing he's ever seen
But will he ever see right through me?
We have the same eyes, his looks like they've never cried, not once
And I hope to keep that up
I can't offer much more
Than stars on a lake shore
But please just don't shut your door
I've spent evermore praying for one just like him
And he's perfect
But I don't deserve it
I don't deserve it
I don't deserve it
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