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S / Senewa / Preemptively Digging Graves


Sister,
how do I recompense?
I've been visiting dark places
All at at your expense
And sometimes mine too
But it only bites me, and it burns you
and regret never did a fucking thing
to prevent our pain and suffering

Mother,
how I have failed you?
I swore a sacred duty
But never followed through
Preemptively digging graves
Like it were up to me to decide our fates
Arrogance and pessimism
Keeping me cold and distant

Child,
how have I let you down?
Where you saw my potential
I only saw potential to drown
My faith has been dissuaded
But now I can see
despite our difference in years
It is you who are wise, not me

I hope its not too late for you
I hope its not too late for me
I hope its not too late

The path was laid before me
I was getting in my own way
used to think it didn't matter
If it was only hurting me
Martyrdom isn't noble
When your own hand holds the blade
We're in the real world now
Where actions carry weight

If the men I gave myself to
Took it as permission
To treat you like they treated me
I couldn't live with myself
Ashamed of who I am
So sick of this culture of doom
I don't want to die
With this shame upon my shoulders

Bury me in disgrace if you must
But please bury me
Maybe I can be of some use
Decomposing
Nitrogen and carbon
feel no morality
and I'd be less destructive
as a flower or a tree
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