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Sgt. Pilcher, Sgt. Pilcher, ingenious Sgt. Pilcher
He's found a way to make them pay
For the deviant things they do and say
Pilcher, Sgt. Pilcher, quick-witted Sgt. Pilcher
He's a dutiful man with his task at hand
And he's bound to insure with his master plan
The purity of the motherland, Sgt. Pilcher

In October of 1968 in the heart of Montague Square
There was rumor of some deviation
So Pilcher's Squad was there
Though it was determined before the intrudence
The flat was fully clear
When Pilcher arrived and made his inspection
The hashing magically appeared

Sgt. Pilcher, Sgt. Pilcher, ingenious Sgt. Pilcher
He's found a way to make them pay
For the deviant things they do and say
Pilcher, Sgt. Pilcher, quick-witted Sgt. Pilcher
He's a dutiful man with his task at hand
And he's bound to insure with his master plan
The purity of the motherland, Sgt. Pilcher

In March of 1969 on return from the store
Patty Harrison found Pilcher's squad waiting at her door
Planting tidbits on the pop-stars seemed quite the thing to do
'Till it landed Pilcher in the pokie in 1972

Sgt. Pilcher, Sgt. Pilcher, ingenious Sgt. Pilcher
He's found a way to make them pay
For the deviant things they do and say
Pilcher, Sgt. Pilcher, quick-witted Sgt. Pilcher
He's a dutiful man with his task at hand
And he's bound to insure with his master plan
The purity of the motherland, Sgt. Pilcher

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