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It's found to be very hard to be a lady
There's so many Ps and Qs you have to mind
But the rewards I guarantee are rich and varied
And will be worth all of the effort, you will find

Your posture must be perfect
And your diction crisp and clear
Your speaking voice mellifluous and pleasing to the ear
Your legs are crossed when seated
Your toes are pointed so
Your pinkies raised while drinking
But that's not all you need to know

(Tune changes to more of a rock and roll number)

You mustn't curse or spit or tattle, never gossip
A lady never scratches, sweats, or burps
She knows which knife and fork and spoon and use and when

And if soup is served it's impolite to slurp
It's always "please and thank you, sir or madam"
Never bragging you aren't putting on a show
Ladies are demure and also proper
And that is really all you need to know!

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