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M / Molly Venter / Walking backwards


I am walking backwards and I'm listening to the rain. I'm waiting for
the lightning 'cause I don't believe it can't strike the same place
again. And I'm trying to remember how to be the bigger one. I'm
searching for a rulebook to tell me if we're supposed to be done. I'm
not asking you for all of the answers but do you want to stay with me.
Cause we are getting shy now 'cause we are both guilty of uncertainty.

I don't know what else to say in times like this. We've been down
this road and I don't want to have to talk about forgiveness.

When you give me that look I feel like my dog when he puts his head
down, he puts his ears down 'cause he knows he's done something and he
doesn't understand it but he's been yelled at like that before. I
don't want to be yelled at. I don't want to scolded today, and I'm
sorry I don't remember last night but don't put your wall up again.
Cause It gets harder to break down with every time you build it up,
and you get harder to break into, and I can't tell if I'm supposed to
give up.

I don't know what else to say in times like this. We've been down
this road and I don't want to have to talk about forgiveness.

Then you say to me, when I'm standing by your bed to say goodbye,
don't just sit against the window looking all sad. You're supposed to
reach out and hold my hand, at least say thanks for coming by, then
lean forward and try to kiss me one more time before I leave. Well
that's what I'm doing, I'm sticking my neck out like you said, so
maybe we need a break, or you need some space, but I need you to talk
to me. Cause I get flashes where we're laughing, and I feel like it's
all right, and I get flashes where I'm crying, and you just turn your
head and sigh. I don't know what else to say in times like this.

We've been down this road and I don't want to have to talk about, I
don't want to have to talk about forgiveness. I won't take you for
granted but don't take me for stupid when you tell me nothing's
wrong....
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