---

[EMMETT]
Whoa, Elle?
What's up... doc?

[ELLE]
Love

[EMMETT]
Excuse me?

[ELLE]
I put my faith in love
I followed where it led

[EMMETT]
Love led you here?

[ELLE]
To my personal circle of hell
It has not worked out well
I wish that I were dead
'Cause instead of a wedding and love
I'm flunking out of school
A total laughing stock
Someone he and his friends can just mock
So, go on, here's my head
Just hit it with a rock

[EMMETT]
Wait, go back
You came out here to follow a man?
Harvard Law was just part of that plan?
Man, what rich, romantic planet are you from?

[ELLE]
Malibu?

[EMMETT]
Instead of lying outside by the pool
You stalk some guy to an Ivy League school
That's the weirdest reason I have-

[ELLE]
Oh, why'd you come?

[EMMETT]
Okay
I grew up in the Roxbury slums
With my Mom and a series of bums
Guys who showed me all the ways a man can fail
I got through law school by busting my ass
Worked two jobs in addition to class
So forgive me for not weeping at your tale

[ELLE]
Well, excuse me
Just because you've got some kind of chip on your shoulder

[EMMETT]
You know what? You're right
There's a chip on my shoulder
And it's big as a boulder
With the chance I've been given
I'm gonna be driven as hell
I'm so close I can taste it
So I'm not gonna waste it
Yeah, there's a chip on my shoulder
You might wanna get one as well

[ELLE]
I'm sorry, but that sounds highly negative
Wait! Two jobs, plus law school?
How do you do it?

[EMMETT]
Well, I don't go to parties a lot
Not good use of the time that I've got
Can't spend hours doing my hair and staying in shape

[ELLE]
I don't spend hours

[EMMETT]
But I know it'll all be worthwhile
When I win my first lucrative trial
And buy my Mom that great big house out on the cape

[ELLE]
Oh, that's so sweet

[EMMETT]
No, that's the chip on my shoulder
I hugged my Mom and told her
With the chance I've been given
I'm gonna be driven as hell
Though I can't take the day off
I just think of the pay off
You need a chip on your shoulder
Little Miss Woods comma Elle

[ELLE]
I just need to prove to everyone that I'm serious

[EMMETT]
What you need is to get to work
Where are your law books?

[ELLE]
Um, well, I know they're here somewhere

[EMMETT]
You know, this vanity's real picturesque
But it started its life as a desk
Clear it off and find some room for books instead

[ELLE]
What are you doing?

[EMMETT]
Can you live without this?
Can you live without that?
I don't know what this is

[ELLE]
It's for hair

[EMMETT]
Wear a hat
Spend some time improving what's inside your head

Out, out, put it in storage
Sell it on eBay, leave it behind
Out, out, what, are you angry?
Good, so get angry
You may find

The chip on your shoulder

[ELLE]
Ugh!

[EMMETT]
The room just got colder

[ELLE]
Hey!

[EMMETT]
But with the chance you've been given
Why are you not driven as hell?
There's just no way around it
You've gotta plough through 'til you-

[ELLE]
Found it!

[EMMETT]
Been reading it hard, I can tell

[GREEK Chorus]
'Tis a gift to be simple
'Tis a gift to be free
Mmmm

[ELLE]
Bye Warner!
Have a great Thanksgiving
Say hi to your Mom and Dad for me
And Grandma Bootsie

[EMMETT]
Define 'malum prohibitum'

[ELLE]
Malum prohibitum is, um...

[EMMETT]
An act prohib--

[ELLE]
An act prohibited by law
Like jaywalking or chewing gum in Singapore

[EMMETT]
Therefore 'malum in se'...

[ELLE]
Is an action that's evil in itself
Assault, murder, white shoes after labour day

[EMMETT]
Good. Where are you going?

[ELLE]
Home, of course. It's Thanksgiving break, remember?

[EMMETT]
Interesting...

[ELLE]
What?

[EMMETT]
Well, I predict you will probably pass

[ELLE]
Yes!

[EMMETT]
In the bottom percent of your class

[ELLE]
What?

[EMMETT]
If you're going for mediocre, you've done great

[ELLE]
That's not fair

[EMMETT]
Look, they laughed at me like they're laughing at you
We can't win if we don't follow through
Might I venture your vacation plans can wait?

[ELLE]
Why do you always have to be right?

[GREEK Chorus]
Gloria in excelsis deo

[ELLE]
Bye Warner! Merry Christmas! Enjoy Vale!

[EMMETT]
Ho, ho, ho!

[ELLE]
Emmett?

[EMMETT]
For you. Not as good as going home for Christmas, but...

[ELLE]
You are too sweet

[EMMETT]
It's a real time saver: shampoo and conditioner in one!

[ELLE]
Thank you, you are so adorable to think of me

[WARNER]
Elle, hey!

[ELLE]
Warner

[WARNER]
Have you seen Vivienne? I've been looking for her everywhere

[ELLE]
Yeah... I mean, no...

[WARNER]
Great, we're gonna miss our flight

[EMMETT]
Um, Elle?
I don't know if you've noticed before
But each time Warner walks through the door
Your IQ goes down to 40, maybe less

[ELLE]
Huh?

[EMMETT]
Though it's hardly my business to say
Could it be the real thing in your way
Is the very guy you're trying to impress?

[ELLE]
Yes!
I've been smiling and sweet
And thoroughly beat and blowing my chance
Let's not chase him away
Let's face him and say
Hey, punk, let's dance!

This chip on my shoulder
Makes me smarter and bolder
No more whining or blaming
I am re-

[ELLE/GREEK Chorus]
Claiming my pride

[ELLE]
Grab that book and let's do this
Instead of

[ELLE/GREEK Chorus]
Doodling hearts all through this
Now there's a chip on my shoulder

[ELLE]
Let's see him knock it aside

[GREEK Chorus]
Daughter of Delta Nu, show him that you're no fool
Daught of Delta Nu, go back to school
With a big chip on your shoulder

[WARNER]
Mr. Latimer was clearly within his rights to ask for visitation
Without his sperm, the child in question wouldn't exist!

[CALLAHAN]
Now you're thinking like a lawyer
Yes, Ms Woods?

[ELLE]
Mr. Huntington makes an excellent point
But, did the defendant keep a log of every sperm emission made throughout his life?

[CALLAHAN]
Interesting, why do you ask?

[ELLE]
Well, unless the defendant attempted to contact every sexual encounter to find if a child resulted from those unions, he has no parental claim over this child whatsoever
Why now? Why this sperm?

[CALLAHAN]
I see your point

[ELLE]
And, by Mr. Huntington's standard, all masturbatory emissions where the sperm was clearly not seeking an egg could be called... reckless abandonment

[CALLAHAN]
Ms Woods, you just won your case

[ELLE]
Omigod!

[GREEK Chorus]
Wait, hold on, we just won the case

[ELLE]
Omigod!

[GREEK Chorus]
Elle got all up in Warner's face

[ELLE]
Omigod!

[GREEK Chorus]
I am starting to like this place!
Ohmigod!

[CALLAHAN]
Ms. Woods, excellent work today
I assume you're applying for my internship
Do you have a resumé?

[ELLE]
I'm one step ahead of you!
Here you go, and thanks in advance for your consideration

[CALLAHAN]
Dear God, it's scented
Three months ago I would've recycled this
Make sure to put it on file

[EMMETT]
Guess she got a chip on her shoulder
Maybe some wise man told her
With the chance we've been given
We've gotta be driven as hell

She was something to see there
I'm just happy I could be there
First big test and she aced it
She's so close she can taste it
She's got a chip on her shoulder

Guess you never can tell
With little Miss Woods comma Elle

[DELTA NUS:]
Elle Wood
Woods Comma Elle

Chip on her shoulder

[EMMETT:]
You never can tell

[BOTH:]
With little Miss Woods comma Elle

---

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