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You've given me a birthday gift.
You've really given my day a lift.
Oh, wow! A childhood photo of you and me.
But I have to tell you somethin' now.
And I'm trying to find the word how,
While your gift was thoughtful,
It was also chintzy.

I can remedy the situation
And you can avoid future humiliation
If you would just follow these gift giving guidelines
Buy me something made of solid gold,
Because this homemade sweater just leaves me cold.
Think in term of things that are expensive.
A coffee mug that says "My Best Friend"
Will find a new home in my trash bin.
And if you knit me a scarf,
I'll bury it in the backyard.
Now pay attention.'
Chintzy, chintzy, chintzy, chintzy, not chintzy.
Chintzy, chintzy, chintzy, chintzy, very chintzy.'

This gift has a hot date with my shredder.
Buy me a jacuzzi filled with caviar,
Or a diamond encrusted rocket car.
And when in doubt try a briefcase full of money.
Try to stay away from arts and crafts,
I don't want your homemade bubblebath,
And cookies are better when they're made by professionals.
Buy me a ranch with a thousand long horned steers
Or a mansion filled with crystal chandeliers
An M60-A3 army tank
Would be met with heartfelt thanks.
Because that is something that I drive to the supermarket.
Porky: Oh, I get it!
In unison: Chintzy, chintzy, chintzy, chintzy,
Porky: Not chintzy.
Daffy: Good!
In unison: Chintzy, chintzy, chintzy, chintzy,
Porky: Very chintzy.
Daffy: Yes!

That's why I'm setting fire to the photo you gave me.
So I'm glad I can help you out,
This is what friendship's all about.
But the next gift that you bring should require a trailer.
So before a new day dawns, maybe cash in your savings bonds,
And buy me a present . . . that is not . . . CHINTZYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

Porky: Whew!
Daffy: Hep-hem.
You still owe me a birthday present.

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