I thought I was past this
but the past is evidently
not finished with me
redirected anger
from self to selflessness
circling and spiraling
until I wake up in dream
sat on a concrete chair
and gazed at the red sky
failed too many times
tasted defeat all too often
degenerating rapidly I am
my resources depleted
how should I climb out
of this perpetual black hole
if I've neither the strength
nor the will?
an incapacitating noxious burn
in the pit of my stomach
the incoherent ramblings
violently increasing in volume
if I listen, will I understand?
if I ignore, will I have the upper hand?
chivalry, a menacing delivery
of reluctant dishonesty
maniacal imagery, control
seems to be well out of reach
wide eyed
white lies
right or wrong
state of mind
responsible
for terrible atrocities
and the engine
for remarkable anomalies
I am the inspiration
for bettering one's self
or indulging one's selfishness
I eat of apples rotten
and spit into the eyes
of those who'd challenge me
sat on a concrete chair
and gazed at the red sky
failed too many times
tasted defeat all too often
closed eyes
sunshine
still burns
through my mind

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