---

[Henry VIII]
I'm Henry Eight, as you know
I'm the king who married six
But I'm not what you call a romantic, though
In fact, in love I was the pits
Cath and Jane and Cath
All ended up divorced or dead

[Emperor Nero]
I'm just the same, Nero's the name
Killed the wife, sent my girlfriend the gift of her head
Then Poppaea met a bad end
Kicked and beaten, I'm the worst boyfriend

[William the Conqueror]
That's what I was doing, when I was wooing
My wife Matilda - what? I never killed her

[All]
Love rats
[William]
I only married once - shouldn't be in this song
[All]
Love rats
William the Conqueror, you are wrong

[Cleopatra]
It wasn't just men
Some rats were wonderfully pretty
I'm Cleopatra
Loved a match that offered power
Married one brother, he died, I wed another
But he wasn't the one for me
Julius Caesar my next romantic squeeze
Ended up with Mark Antony

[William]
His death was your fault, as I recall
[Cleopatra]
Didn't mean for that to happen at all
[William]
Still think I shouldn't be here
I held my wife dear
[Edward VIII]
After you bullied her
I'd say it's fully fair

[All]
Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba

Love rats
[William]
Who are you? You don't look bad
[All]
Love rats
[Edward]
Edward VIII, 20th century lad

[Henry]
Edward VIII
[Nero]
Now, there's no debate
[All]
You really shouldn't be here
[Edward]
I do agree, though love conquered me
Abdicated the throne for Wallis Simpson dear

[All]
Love rats
[Edward]
Wallis divorced so I was forced to pick
[All]
Love rats
[Edward]
Between love and crown
[All]
You chose love, that's sick

Love rats
[Edward]
Forced a national crisis when I stepped down as King
[All]
Love rats
Moonlight and roses, not really our thing

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