its been a good week. i didn't even turn a cross upside down. the way that your smile changes. keeping me calm in my summer denial. but i am in love. feelings they sure come and they sure go. could you feel me as i took my last breath before the winter snow.

i still feel your sadness growing with every lie. drown me in tainted blood more useful as a sacrifice.

i still hear your tears as they break on concrete. the rain from 4 years spills out as we bleed.

i spent so much time thinking about how things change. after summer i'll be the same. thinking about the windows, where your heart goes.

thinking about heaven and hell. wonder if my dads doing well. if i only have one life and how i wasted it being alive.

think about the suffering, what it means to be a human being. think about the love i lost, think about how much it cost.

worry about the restless sleep, worry about the pills in me. think about closing my eyes. think about what its like to die.

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