A sacred household artifact,
The thermostat, I must guard
Temperature fluctuations make
Living in this house hard
My fucking wife keeps touching it
My kids won't let it be
I'm freezing or I'm burning up,
Natural gas ain't free!

Nobody listens
To my pleas
I'm fucking begging all you shits
Don't set it past 73
This is the last time
I'll warn you guys
Please don't touch the thermostat
Don't make daddy cry

I went to Home Depot
And got myself a Nest
Phone controls my thermostat,
This is the fucking best!
I get a notification
Whenever it is touched
Installed a hidden camera
To catch those sneaky fucks

Caught red-handed
Can't hide this time
Daddy's gonna punish you,
Stand in a line
Shoulder my rifle,
Aim for the head
Shouldn't've touched the thermostat
You're all fucking dead!

Temperate climate
Has been achieved
Nobody's here to fuck with it
73!
But when I look back,
The kids weren't so bad
Maybe I was out of line...
I'm just their step-dad

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