You've been up the Ganges and the Orinocco
You're out with Madonna, drinking cocoa
You've been in a twister and a hurricane
You've gone parachuting in a private plane
You've been to London to meet the queen
You've been underneath the ocean in a yellow submarine
You went to the arctic for the midnight sun
Played golf with Tiger Woods and you nearly won

No you've never never never never never never been to my place
It is the bigge bigge bigge bigge bigge bigge biggest disgrace
You've never never never never never never been to my home
Is it my bloody bloody fucking destiny to be alone?
You've been on safari with Harrison Ford
You've sailed round the world on a harpsichord
You've gone swimming with the sharks in the China sea
But you've never never never comin' home with me!

No you've never never never never never never been to my place
It is the bigge bigge bigge bigge bigge bigge biggest disgrace
You've never never never never never never been to my home
Is it my bloody bloody fucking destiny to be alone?

Angels are singing round my bonsai tree
Champagne is flowing from my plasma TV
I got an ambi-dex-trous garden gnome
So tell me why you never been to my home
How long must I wait for you? I want you now - silly cow, silly cow

No you've never never never never never never never been to my place
No you've never never never never never never never been to my place

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