your blonde hair sliding through my fingertips
it quickly falls down
my lungs give out
screaming at you
screaming for you
begging you to stay
why won't you just stay?
why do you go away?
is this not enough for you?
what can i do?
i fall to the ground
my lungs are empty now
but my mind is full
full of memories

down the drain, pools the blood
red like fire
red like anger
warm like mud
spilling out these emotions
harboring for you like poison
in my body

these memories i have for you
real or not, they are true
true to me and the sadness i feel
each time i see your face
and cry myself to sleep at night
with fresh wounds boiling up with rage at you

crying out in the night,
i feel your hand wrap around mine
i feel your lips on my neck
your heart beats in my hand -
fast as a deer's as it runs
away from the bang of a gun
oh god - the gun

the room is too bright
don't make me look down
down, down, into the ground
where your feet hang down into the ground
and the blood from your head
pools down, down, into the ground
and i kick the knife
and i cry out
as those panels stand mocking me
i can't escape them
everywhere i go,
those panels in my head
a memory that i never had
yet it feels so real
like i was there
in that room
i could have saved you
i could have saved you

you pull me out of the room
you breathe into me
you feel so alive
i hate you
knowing that you'll be gone
when i wake up
how could you leave me here
to deal with this on my own?
didn't you think about that at all?

down the drain, pools the blood
red like fire
red like anger
warm like mud
spilling out these emotions
harboring for you like poison
in my body

these memories i have for you
real or not, they are true
true to me and the sadness i feel
each time i see your face
and cry myself to sleep at night
with fresh wounds boiling up with rage at you

---

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