(The void, the absence of everything that motivates you or stimulates you, you are suffering on the inside and the external world has stopped existing. Only your inner self exists. Coldness leads to emptiness)
It is said that nothing in this universe is gained or lost. That everything is in perfect balance and that everything is just altering from one state or another. Be it physical or energetic.
The underlying implication of this would be that the absence of something should be replaced by something of a similar value and that loss would always be temporary. This science was once referred to as alchemy and it was once believed that we could transmute matter and ourselves at will. But can this same process really be achieved with emotions?
What happens to your happiness when it is removed from you? Is it chopped down and redistributed to the universe in some abstract form of energy? Are you in some weird and fucked up way the benefactor of some poor distant family that just happen to have won the lottery? It seems to me that this entire thematic is somewhat reminiscent of bedtime stories we were once told as children. In my experience, joy has never been refined and evenly redistributed after its removal. It was torn away from me without any warning and left me mourning with a gaping black hole at the core of my being. This black hole couldn't be filled by anything else and would eventually devour every inch of positive thinking. It felt like I was being punished by God.
The obsession for Black Metal is my failed transmutation process Where I tried to replace love and joy by hate and pain It was my own way to rebalance the sheer feeling of emptiness. Because the absence of resentment is worse than any negativity Some call it boredom, I call it the absence of purpose And hating as well as suffering gives you a sense of purpose In a sick and twisted way
I don't know if you ever felt this raw feeling of utter emptiness inside of you It isn't triggered by pain, betrayal or depression It is just something that slowly anchors to your life When nothing out of the ordinary happens in your life anymore The flatlining of your existence, where everyday looks exactly the same The cold gray mornings and tasteless breakfast The empty streets and faint lights The uneventful and boring day at work The same conversations ending up in whining or frustration about nothing and everything The empty bed at night
When even the idea of suicide seems drab And the death of a fellow human being, an information. When time for yourself becomes time to kill And you find yourself every night, melting away in your couch, watching TV Hoping the day will finish, so you can wake up the next day and die a little more Living your life on automatic pilot, sometimes even forgetting you are existing. Life becomes like watching a movie for the thousandth time You know how it starts and how it ends, but the surprise, suspense and entertainment are gone Days becomes a succession of meaningless moments your need to endure before going to sleep The need for sex, food and affection slowly disappears You stop showering and barely go out of your house anymore I remember masturbating to gruesome beheading videos in hope to feel disgusted again
Emptiness is really the final step before starting to kill or fall in complete madness It is where the evil in man really dwells It cannot be cured with pills or words of encouragement It is beyond redemption for it is above the duality of men
The phantasm of gruesome and violent acts becomes an attempt of our mind to feel again The only way to break out of this circle is to hit rock bottom. By creating a clash between reality and the feeling of comfort you created while bathing in your own shit By breaking the filter and bringing the ugliness back to the surface The feeling of utter humiliation and revulsion of yourself is the only thing strong enough to reignite the will to live Destroying yourself also destroys what you hate about yourself You can then be reborn through the annihilation of your inferior trivial self
Embrace your sins, your pains and joy And hope to prevail someday by being able to control how you feel instead of burying it so deep That you end up forgetting how to feel again Emotions are what makes us divine. It is the only true language in which all things communicate It is the voice of your purpose It is what elevates us to something more than just animals That fuck and destroy everything that is beautiful and sacred You should wear it as your pride, it holds the key to your own salvation
If you are still reading this, you are one of the few that still care about the path and where it leads Instead of blindly following the flock of drones to their extinction You have chosen the path of unwavering integrity Where we've been forged by the fiery blade of adversity and endurance The only true way to break down fears and boundaries. The constant struggle of keeping evil at bay Has bestowed upon us enough strength to support this rotting world We are shining bright in these dark days of deceit The manifest of darkness, has reigned long enough.
What lies ahead, is pure abiding elation And when in doubt, always remember this:
Hell IS emptiness.Teksty umieszczone na naszej stronie są własnością wytwórni, wykonawców, osób mających do nich prawa.
