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Well, I used to have a doggie and I called him little Gomez
'cause, you see, he was a Mexican Chihuahua.
There wasn't much of him, but what there was was all cojones,
he really was a randy little fella.
Big dogs, small dogs, it mattered not to him:
the canine equivalent of Errol Flynn.
At the drop of a sombrero he'd jump up and get stuck in.
Taking Gomez out for walkies was embarrassing.
Taking Gomez out for walkies was embarrassing.

I remember one day in the park his tally rose by four;
an enviable score he was amassing:
two pleased and patient poodles and an Irish Labrador,
and a wombat1 who just happened to be passing.
I tried every way to curb his carnal appetite:
kept him on a lead all day and locked him up at night,
I even put some bromite in his chunky meaty bites,
but the only thing that might have worked was kryptonite.
Yes, the only thing that might have worked was kryptonite.

Then came the fateful day when he tried to consummate
a liaison with a Saint Bernard called Blodwyn.
Even though he was quite clearly fighting well above his weight,
he didn't let that minor detail stop him.
He nearly pulled it off, oh, what an acrobat!
But Blodwyn got bored and down she sat.
They say that after making love you often feel quite flat;
I'm sure that little Gomez would agree with that.
Yes, I'm sure that little Gomez would agree with that.

So, I buried Gomez in the park, his happy hunting ground;
a sad but fitting finale.
I had to dig a grave that was rather flat and round
'cause he looked like a squashed tamale.
But I really missed my wee Chihuahua chum;
I went down to the pet shop to buy another one.
I went in feeling happy, but I came out feeling glum,
'cause the man down at the pet shop loved corny puns.
Yes, the man down at the pet shop loved corny puns.

2
And he said: "Yes, we have no Chihuahuas. We have no Chihuahuas today.
We've Alsations, Dalmatians, the fruits of all flirtations,
an alpine Pekinese in a toupée.
But yes, we have no Chihuahuas. We have no Chihuahuas today."


1.
A wombat is an Australian marsupial.
2.
The corny pun consists in singing the song Yes! We Have No Bananas (the last stanza is sung to its tune), adapting its lyrics:
"Yes, we have no bananas, we have-a no bananas today.
We've string beans, and onions, cabashes, and scallions,
and all sorts of fruit and say.
We have an old fashioned tomato, a Long Island potato,
but yes, we have no bananas, we have no bananas today."

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