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B / Bo Burnham / The Breakup Song


[Spoken:]
I can remember the conversation like it was yesterday. She came out of the shower, hair wet, everything was wet. If you haven't seen a shower: It's a thing with water, and it covers you, and she had just been in that. She came right out of it and she looked me in the eyes and she said:

[Girl:]
It's over
We shouldn't fight to stay together just to fight again
It's over
We're unhappy
We need to take a break from us to make us right again
And even though it's not gonna go any further
I swear I don't regret a second of it
And when the dust has settled
I hope we can still be friends

[Bo:]
And then I said
EAT A DICK
EAT A DICK
EAT A FUCKING DICK, BITCH!
PUT ON YOUR DICK EATING BIB!
GET READY TO GOBBLE A DICK UP!
IF YOU DON'T LIKE THIS DICK, BITCH
EAT A FUCKING DICK, BITCH

[Girl:]
(Starting to think I made the right decision here)
Look, you're angry
I can see that
But you don't need to make this harder than it has to be
I try to speak to you
But you won't listen-

[Bo:]
EAT A DICK

[Girl:]
Hold on, please just let me-

[Bo:]
EAT A DICK

[Girl:]
Oh my God
Honestly, are you fucking five?
I try to talk this out, and you refuse to even listen to me
I'm saying how I'm feeling
And you're saying "eat a dick"
Does that seem like a mature response to you?

[Bo:]
NO
BUT SEE I THINK THE ISSUE IS
I'VE GOT MY FATHER'S TEMPER
AND I'M EMOTIONALLY INARTICULATE
SO RATHER THAN BEING HONEST AND VULNERABLE
I DID A QUICK SWITCH
BECAUSE I'M HURTING INSIDE
AND I'M TRYING TO HIDE IT, SO

[Crying:]
EAT A DICK, BITCH
EAT A DICK, BITCH
EAT A FUCKING DICK, BITCH

[Girl:]
I didn't think you'd cry for me
I didn't think you cared
I thought you were lashing out in anger
Now I see you're scared
I'm scared, too
Maybe we can work this out
And not break up

[Bo:]
Really?

[Girl:]
NO, LICK MY CLIT
LICK MY MOTHERFUCKING CLIT
YOU THINK THREE LOUSY TEARS
OFFSET THREE YEARS OF SHIT
I DESERVE BETTER THAN YOU
GET ME WETTER, THEN SCREW
SORRY YOU'RE NOT WHAT I NEED, HUN
LICK THIS CLIT THEN LEAVE, SON
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