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It's a day of hugs and snuggles
A time to spread your loving seeds
It's a rolling, growing pink snowball
Of stress that no one needs

It's unhealthy expectations
An opportunity to impress
It's a yearly grim reminder
That your life's a fucked-up mess

It's a dark and lurid history
Of deviant Pagan kicks
It's outrageously expensive
Just stay home and watch the Knicks

It's a big fat middle finger
To those who are all alone
Whether sick or tired or uninspired
You still gotta bring the bone

It's a clusterfuck of passions
An emotional tour de force
It's a cuddly little Cupid
With the cock of a full-grown horse

Valentine, St. Valentine
I gotta make it through your day
Of candy hearts and chocolate sharts
and every bullshit love cliché
The hard-ons and the heartaches
The pressure, pain, and fear
Valentine's Day
Got to survive you another year

What does having a girl hormone monster mean? (I can't take it, all the pressure)
How long can I be a fuck machine? (I can make it, i'll impress her)

I'll be cool, and she'll be drooling (Why is there never anyone for me?)
But then what if the Knicks aren't on TV?

Valentine, St. Valentine
Your day is fuckin' asinine
But I swear by God
I'm gonna make it through!

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