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Now it was Christmas Day in the jailhouse,
The old man sat in his cell,
"Put out your pudding, for treacle,"
He heard the warden yell,
"If you want treacle on your pudding,
Put it out without delay."
The old man put out his pudding,
And the warden took it away.

Chorus
What a world, (what a world) what a place, (what a place)
Ain't you glad you're a member of the human race.

Now the folksinger came from America
To sing at the Albert Hall,
He sang his songs of protest
And fairer shares for all.
He sang how the poor were much too poor
And the rich too rich by far,
Then he drove back to his penthouse
In his brand new Rolls Royce car.

[chorus]

Now Annie's a shorthand typist
Working for the B.B.C.,
Her brother Jackie's in prison d
Doing three years for forgery,
Her sister Josie's in Holloway,
In Dartmoor is her Uncle Jim,
And her dad runs a pirate radio ship,
But she never talks about him.

[chorus]

Now three old maids had a she-cat,
Kept her indoors night and day,
Kept her away from the he-cats,
Thought she'd like it better that way,
Then one old maid went and got married,
The next morning she hastened to write,
A note to the others which simply said,
"Let kitty out tonight."

[chorus]

Now the b___on was pressed, the world destroyed
Leaving just one solitary man,
And at the top of the Empire State Building
His lonely existance began,
But his loneliness was too much so he jumped
And he fell like a bird with one wing,
And as he passed the seventh floor,
He heard the telephone ring.

[chorus]

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