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Twas the night before Christmas
When all through the house
Not a body was stirring
Did I see a mouse

My stockings were hung
By the chimney with care
In hopes that my new man
Soon would be there

And my bro in his ditty
And I in my cap
I had just settled down
For a long winter’s nap

When out on the lawn
There arose such a clatter
I said: “Mmm”. I ain’t hardly getting up
To see what was the matter

But to my wondering eyes
What should appear
A silver and black Bentley
For my Christmas cheer

With a sure enough fine man
Stepping lively and quick
I knew immediately
It was not Saint Nick

And right into my front door
He came with a bound
He was dressed in black diamonds
From up to down

Bundle of gifts he had
And what did I get
As I squealed opening the package
The same old s**t

“I’m not ungrateful
You know that I shout it”
As he backed out of the front door
My sincerity he doubted

But I heard him exclaim
As he drove out of sight
“Hey, you’re a hell of a woman”
I said: “Sure you’re right”

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