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A / Angel Haze / Heart


Somehow the nights are always the longest.
I can’t look within myself without seeing you first.
I can’t open up my wounds without worsening hurt.
I can’t ever get the flowers if I don’t pull them from dirt.
I feel you in my sheets.
See you in cracks as I get nearer to the door.
Sometimes I walk alone, and I can hear you in the floor screaming, “Why’d you let me drown? Why’d you let me go?”
And I, I never have the answers.
I hear your screams like tears falling from the mountains.
In your eyes such a sharp, sharp pain.
I can hear and feel you die, hear you calling.
I hear you calling, but I can’t save you.
I can’t save you.
I can’t save you one more time.
I can’t look you in your eyes and tell you, “Things will be alright.”
I can’t feed you any lines.
Get you hooked and reel you in, just to throw you back again and watch you drown.
All over again.
And I’m mentally reclined in my mind.
Previewing memories of the times when we almost had it.
When all it took was to grasp it.
When all it took was to grab it.
Clench your fist so tightly around that bliss and be happy.
But somehow the sands of time slipped through our fabric, and stained our existence with that of it’s own.
It was running out on top of us.
Slowly running out on top of us.
And if you can hear me cry in this poem, disregard it.
Because this is the part where my heart will harden.
What do you do with a heart you can’t feel?
Who do you give it to?
How do you live with it?
I’m guilt trippin’.
I’ve packed bags full of sadness.
Remorse, my anger won’t let me see past it.
My bloodshot eyes are so tired, I can’t seem to see straight.
It was not supposed to be this way.
It cannot be this way.
I remember finding sun in your eyes.
The stars in your smile.
I could walk for miles along the concrete just staring into them.
And now I play keyboards like pianos typing symphonies of misery.
Instrumenting our memories.
Praying that you’ll remember me.
Praying that you’ll remember me when my years run out.
When our cycle discontinues.
When your fears run out.
Praying that you’ll remember me when you move on.
Praying I’m still your weakness when you grow strong.
Never let your heart run out on you.
Never let your heart run out on you…
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