So many presents, so little time Santa won't be coming By my house this year 'Cause I tried to drown my sister And I pierced my ear Oh mama made it perfectly clear Santa don't like bad boys Especially Jewish ones
Skanif-kanof and Lego blocks Are what I desire So, why'd I have to set The pizza guy's hair on fire I told him I was sorry, I'm a liar So, no toys for me
I don't deserve 'em I couldn't wait for a big wheel As the holiday neared But then I told my grandma That she had a beard
(speaking) Dear Santa, I know what my problem is Why I can't be good It's a fear of intimacy You see, my whole life Whenever I've met someone really great like you and, I keep feeling I'm getting too close to them Something inside me Makes me want to screw it up So in a weird way The reason I'm so bad is because I love you so much Santa
Rock 'em, Sock 'em robots Is what I was hopin' for But then I made a death threat To Vice President Gore Oh Santa won't be knockin' on my door 'Cause he's a big fat whore What made me say that!?
Chutes and Ladders Would be so good indeed So why's I have to sell That cop a bag of weed
So Santa please give me My Easy Bake Oven I swear I thought Billy goats Were made for lovin'
So Santa won't you Accept my appoligies Santa can't you see I'm beggin' you please Oh Santa, next year I'll do you right Live from New York It's Saturday Night
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