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On the first day of Christmas Villa sent to me:
A farewell handshake from Keane!
Not feckin' likely!

On the second day of Christmas my Czech mate sent to me:
2 unused gloves!
And a farewell handshake from Keane!
Not feckin' likely!

On the third day of Christmas Platini sent to me:
3 French cocks! (*hens!)
2 unused gloves!
And a farewell handshake from Keane!
Not feckin' likely!

On the fourth day of Christmas Wayne the Ogre sent to me:
4 wrinkly birds!
3 French cocks! (*hens!)
2 unused gloves!
And a farewell handshake from Keane!
Not feckin' likely!

On the fifth day of Christmas Stevie sent to me:
A 5th Champions League! (But not the title!)
4 wrinkly birds!
3 French cocks! (*hens!)
2 unused gloves!
And a farewell handshake from Keane!
Not feckin' likely!

On the sixth day of Christmas Schlong Terry sent to me:
6 keys for swapping!
5th Champions League! (But not the title!)
4 wrinkly birds!
3 French cocks! (*hens!)
2 unused gloves!
And a farewell handshake from Keane!
Not feckin' likely!

On the seventh day of Christmas Gary the Monk sent to me:
7 Jonjo Voldemorts!
6 keys for swapping!
5th Champions League! (But not the title!)
4 wrinkly birds!
3 French cocks! (*hens!)
2 unused gloves!
And a farewell handshake from Keane!
Not feckin' likely!

On the eight day of Christmas World Football sent to me:
8 divers milking!
7 Jonjo Voldemorts!
6 keys for swapping!
5th Champions League! (But not the title!)
4 wrinkly birds!
3 French cocks! (*hens!)
2 unused gloves!
And a farewell handshake from Keane!
Not feckin' likely!

On the ninth day of Christmas LOLerpool sent to me:
9 Studges dancing!
8 divers milking!
7 Jonjo Voldemorts!
6 keys for swapping!
5th Champions League! (But not the title!)
4 wrinkly birds!
3 French cocks! (*hens!)
2 unused gloves!
And a farewell handshake from Keane!
Not feckin' likely!

On the tenth day of Christmas, Wolfsburger sent to me:
10 Lord Bendtners leaping!
9 Studges dancing!
8 divers milking!
7 Jonjo Voldemorts!
6 keys for swapping!
5th Champions League! (But not the title!)
4 wrinkly birds!
3 French cocks! (*hens!)
2 unused gloves!
And a farewell handshake from Keane!
Not feckin' likely!

On the eleventh day of Christmas Arsey Whinger sent to me:
11 Wilsheres piping!
10 Lord Bendtners leaping!
9 Studges dancing!
8 divers milking!
7 Jonjo Voldemorts!
6 keys for swapping!
5th Champions League! (But not the title!)
4 wrinkly birds!
3 French cocks! (*hens!)
2 unused gloves!
And a farewell handshake from Keane!
Not feckin' likely!

On the twelfth day of Christmas Peter Shilton sent to me:
12 druggie drummers!
11 Wilsheres piping!
10 Lord Bendtners leaping!
9 Studges dancing!
8 divers milking!
7 Jonjo Voldemorts!
6 keys for swapping!
5th Champions League! (But not the title!)
4 wrinkly birds!
3 French cocks! (*hens!)
2 unused gloves!
And a farewell handshake from Keane!
Not feckin' likely!
Oh, go on then... but only cause it's Christmas and cause the song's finished, okay?
And a farewell handshake from Keane!

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